Interview with Actor & Director Gen Leigh
This month I had the chance to talk with the amazing actor & director Gen Leigh. We covered mental health, emotional abuse in theater and creating safe environments as a director.
Tell us a little about yourself and why emotional abuse awareness is important to you?
My name is Gen, and I’m a recent college grad living on my own for the first time about 2,000 miles away from my original home. I decided to move as far as I did not only for the college I attended, but to escape a home life that involved emotional abuse. It’s important to me to not only better understand emotional abuse as I experienced it and may experience it again, but to also spread awareness so others can spot it once it’s happening.
How have you seen Emotional Abuse in theater and how does this change the professional environment?
I think emotional abuse happens in theater in little ways that many brush off. Comments on one’s body in the dressing room, hurtful remarks from a director disguised as ‘notes’ in the rehearsal room, passive aggressive comments about mistakes made on stage, you name it. Performance in its own right calls for a lot of vulnerability from everyone involved. In that mixture of vulnerability and high stakes to succeed, you can create an environment where people feel the need to suppress their insecurities by highlighting someone else's. That behavior has been normalized, especially in musical theater, as typical backstage gossip or the cost of working in the industry. With that, there’s pressure to stay silent to avoid being ostracized or dubbed “not easy to work with”. This creates an environment where abusers feel safe to act harmfully towards others.
Emotional abuse can be hard to spot. What are some red flags you look for in your own relationships and in your friends who may be experiencing abuse?
In relationships, the first thing I notice is a heightened sense of importance for the other person's feelings over mine- if I feel I’m tip-toeing my way around confronting a problem, trying to be cool about it even if it’s really bothering me. If they excuse their behavior with the problems they’re dealing with in their life. When I was in the thick of the abuse I dealt with in adolescence, I heard a lot of, “you don’t get to be sad, you should be grateful for all I’ve done for you”. There might be little moments where the person you’re interacting with gets comfortable enough to say something hurtful, and it might seem small at first, but can overtime escalate into the shaming and name-calling that most people associate with emotional abuse. I also look at how a person might talk to other people- are they a lot nicer to others than they are to me? Do they make mean comments to other people about me, in front of me?
What’s your best advice for self care?
The best thing and hardest thing to do is walk away, especially when you feel that the person abusing you depends on you in some way. Sometimes the only thing you can do is just turn around and walk into another room, because your abuser is who houses you. There was a time where the safest thing I could do for myself, when I couldn’t even safely leave a room, was to nod and say “I understand” until she was done yelling. Afterwards, I would go to my room, lay down, hug my stuffed animals, and say to myself that I deserved better. As long as I could still say that to myself, I would be okay. Self care doesn’t have to be grand or life-changing. It can be saying one kind thing to yourself, or wearing your favorite shirt, or just letting yourself cry. Small things can build you back up from where you’ve been brought down.
As a director, how do you combat potential emotional abuse on set?
I’m still exploring that, and have certainly made mistakes along the way as someone quite new to directing. Nipping that behavior in the bud the moment it begins, denormalizing it before it spreads, is extremely important to a non-toxic backstage environment. Also just having the awareness of what bullying looks like, because it can look like the opposite. I also think directors can severely other themselves from the performers and crew members, creating an unjust power dynamic. I try to see a rehearsal room as a cell, with every part adding to a greater function cohesively. If there’s negativity in one part, it won’t function correctly. In moments in the rehearsal room where I’ve felt like I’m losing patience, or even feeling hurt myself, I’ve removed myself for a couple minutes. I think that is completely acceptable, and should be common practice. I also think establishing right away that you’re someone cast members can go to for help if there’s something happening in the process that’s bothering them can be really helpful.
Emotional abuse has only recently become more widely known as a serious form of abuse. What’s something you wish more people understood about emotional abuse?
That it can start from seemingly nothing. A relationship can be perfect, a dynamic can be completely balanced, and still emotional abuse can happen. It doesn’t have to be a longstanding pattern, either. It can be sudden and a “one time thing”, but it is still serious and still can have detrimental effects on your self-esteem and overall mental wellbeing.
How would you support a friend if you believed they were experiencing emotional abuse?
I would be even more kind to them, tell them they are still whole without the person who’s hurting them, and share information on how to get help. If they aren’t ready to get help, then continuing to show kindness and give support can still make a huge difference.
What are your favorite organizations that support those facing abuse?
Newbegin.org - non profit for domestic abuse & violence, with resources for housing, legal advice, and information on the different ways abuse takes form. (206) 737-0242
Dawnrising.org - non profit providing services for victims of abuse. This one is cool because it has specialized help for immigrants facing abuse and needing help pertaining to visas/citizenship credentials. They also offer confidential emergency shelters. (425) 656-7867
